I can’t tell you how many times someone has gasped, given me a weird look, or told me that I am mean for asking someone to leave my house or for leaving an event “early” (usually the time it was intended to end originally). This seems to be an ongoing phenomenon in Christian circles— particularly because of the Christian value of hospitality. One time, I was in a Bible study actively discussing this concept, and a man across from me, looked me dead in the eyes, and said with total confidence, “Well, Jesus never told anyone no.” I was instantly enraged (spoiler alert: he was not correct).

 I think generously sharing time, energy, and space with others is an important way to show love. But I also believe that setting boundaries, so you don’t get into a situation where your ability to love is compromised, is crucial to lasting loving relationships. Humans need time to recharge and fill themselves up, although this may look different for introverts and extroverts.

Believe it or not, this is a biblical concept. After all, 1 John 4:8 says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love” (NIV). Jesus is God, and therefore, he is love. And yet, he seems to have frequently found himself basically running away from people.  This is stated outright in Luke 5:16, which says that “Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” And Matthew 14 mentions that Jesus had to get on a boat to find solitude, and crowds of people would follow the boat from the land, which must have been exhausting.

He also encouraged his followers to take necessary time for themselves. Mark 6:30-31 says, “The apostles gathered around Jesus and reported to him all they had done and taught. Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he said to them, “Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest.” Jesus encouraged the disciples to get the time they needed to eat, and  “they went away by themselves in a boat to a solitary place” (32). Jesus clearly saw their lack of leisure as a problem, which would naturally mean that he sees the lack of rest Christians experience today as a problem too (Lexham Context Commentary).

If Jesus is love, and Jesus takes time away to recharge, why do Christians feel so guilty doing so themselves? We cannot expect each other to give away time and energy relentlessly; a need to withdraw is a part of being human. Balancing generosity and recharging can be challenging, but we can seek the Lord and trust the Spirit to lead us, without resisting the pull to get away when we feel our souls becoming weary.